{"id":768085,"date":"2024-12-23T09:17:39","date_gmt":"2024-12-23T09:17:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/?p=768085"},"modified":"2024-12-23T09:17:39","modified_gmt":"2024-12-23T09:17:39","slug":"the-secret-architect-tis-the-season-to-serve-just-deserts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-tis-the-season-to-serve-just-deserts","title":{"rendered":"The Secret Architect: \u2019Tis the season to serve just deserts"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"p1\">Joy to the world, as we deliver our deliverables, festooning the place with clay renders, barely resolved plans and co-authored spreadsheets. My patience currently dangles like a big glass bauble on the end of a spindly little branch. Brush too close and I may lose it, launching my laptop across the office \u2018collaboration space\u2019 and into the ornate seasonal planting.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">When one stage ends, so another begins, and we were supposed to have a project kick-off workshop on Monday. But it never happened. Now it\u2019s Thursday and the client\u2019s project manager is trying to funnel us through a bend in the space-time continuum, insisting that the past date both happened, and still exists in our collective future. We have therefore not started the project yet and are four days late. He seems a bit smug for a man whose Dubai work visa relies on a project that he\u2019s torpedoed in under a week.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">I just want to get this thing moving; I have a forest of sub-consultants twirling in their office chairs and lamenting not going skiing before the break. The problem is on the client side \u2013 we can\u2019t kick off without all 35 stakeholders in one room, backbiting and scoring points amongst themselves. Not only is our smug little PM refusing to corral his client, he\u2019s twigged that my director is a people-pleaser who will do anything to keep the project alive, so is now delegating this to \u2026 me.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Apparently, it\u2019s \u2018for the wider project benefit\u2019 that I contact his client while he\u2019s \u2018away from desk\u2019. It would just be so much better for him? Sure, maybe I can walk your dog and take your bin out while I\u2019m at it? I ignore his increasingly arse-y emails, so he escalates to calling me on Teams, at 4am UK time.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">When I don\u2019t answer, I get a terse \u2018call me asap thx\u2019, which I only see when I get to the office the next morning. Now it\u2019s 8:54am and I\u2019m furious. He calls again, barking orders while clearly inside an airport, off on his early winter break. My director is perched on my desk like Elf on a Shelf, frantically signalling that I should just say yes and get off the line. I sigh and hang up.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">I consider my options. I could say the line broke up. I could throw the Scope of Works at him (we actually have one! And he signed it!). Or \u2026 I could give him enough rope to hang himself. Option 3 it is.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Silent merriment abounds until, at 17:46, I receive an email. He\u2019s copied the client, his boss, my boss, and attached my own programme \u2018to help me out\u2019. We should have contacted the Client\u2019s PM to organise the kick-off meeting, like, weeks ago? He seems unaware that he is the Client\u2019s PM.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">I\u2019m gearing up to a spicy put-down, when his pre-emptive out of office notes he\u2019ll be away for the next two weeks \u2018blissfully offline\u2019. I walk home through sleet with fists clenched. There\u2019s a knot of indignation in my stomach. It\u2019s so unfair. I wake up with a stiff neck and resolve to defeat him with my own competence.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Next day at the office, I launch a phone-a-thon offensive like a deranged charity caller. I speak to the client. They\u2019re baffled \u2013 \u2018Don\u2019t we pay our PM to do this?\u2019 I video-call the chief engineer, who just scowls. Yes, I know, but what are we going to do, take the blame for the project failing?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">I\u2019m starting to feel righteous, and foolish. Then my phone rings. It\u2019s the PM\u2019s boss.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Seems she inherited him from another team, and, well. A bit out of his depth, isn\u2019t he? The client is furious and wants their money back, which is all very embarrassing. She\u2019s so sorry for the \u2026 misunderstanding. I raise a silent eyebrow. Won\u2019t happen again. She\u2019s going to let him know that he doesn\u2019t need to come back from holiday. How\u2019re things otherwise \u2026?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">I stutter a reply, thank her for the call, and sit up in my chair. I\u2019m stunned. Discombobulated. Feeling kind of festive. Is this \u2026 a MERRY-tocracy?! Throw another log on the fire and give the cat a kipper; I\u2019ll see you all in January.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Joy to the world, as we deliver our deliverables, festooning the place with clay renders, barely resolved plans and co-authored spreadsheets. My patience currently dangles like a big glass bauble on the end of a spindly little branch. Brush too close and I may lose it, launching my laptop across the office \u2018collaboration space\u2019 and &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9844,"featured_media":768086,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"ep_exclude_from_search":false},"categories":[745],"tags":[72352,1780],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Secret Architect: \u2019Tis the season to serve just deserts<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Well, deck the halls and cover me in tinsel. 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