The guy at the desk next to me is leaning over conspiratorially. It\u2019s a little out of character \u2013 he\u2019s more of a head down and crack on kind of guy \u2013 but he\u2019s \u2018psst\u2019 at me twice and is now tilting dangerously on one of the new ergonomic chairs. He double nudges his head; I give in and I roll over.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s been copied into an email intended for the other person in the office with his surname, who happens to work in HR. There is an attachment. It contains the day rate of a particularly useless and shirty design manager. Wow, that\u2019s a big number. We pull out a calculator. Assuming he\u2019s found a way to operate outside of \u2006IR35 \u2026 he\u2019s banking three times our salary. My colleague harumphs and goes to make a consolatory cup of tea. My gut tells me to quit. Again.<\/p>\n
The first time was after an appalling first-year crit, in which I took a bashing from an esteemed architectural historian, a draconian gentleman with comically arcane put-downs. After a public razing \u2013 \u2018My dear child, you overestimate yourself. Leave the canonic critique to Voltaire!\u2019 \u2013 I scraped a pass and began wondering whether all the late hours, expense and FOMO were worth it. The head of year consoled me, saying that this is how you learn. Something didn\u2019t feel right, but I ignored it, dug deeper and did better.<\/p>\n
Later, I worked for a bumbling but well-meaning solo practitioner, whose wife had decided that proximity to a qualification was equal to being qualified yourself. She began marking up his drawings, \u2018correcting\u2019 details and issuing instructions to contractors. Each \u2018improvement\u2019 from her resulted in a full domestic when the architect returned from site. I began to despair \u2013 you don\u2019t even need to be an architect to do architecture! Why am I bothering? Then a client announced they were suing over a leaking roof detail and the ARB investigated their mishandling of client funds. She went back to her media job and I applied for my Masters, uneasy but placated.<\/p>\n
How can I sustain purpose, knowing that bailing out of architecture to micro-manage other people will triple my value?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I hadn\u2019t noticed moments like these stacking up, assembling a vague assumption that being a creative professional meant sustaining a cycle of despair then redemption, frustration then vindication.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
This design manager\u2019s day rate was somehow proof that the bastards will triumph. How can I sustain purpose, knowing that bailing out of architecture to micro-manage other people will triple my value? Design seems a wasted effort if the cynics win. I can\u2019t sustain the idea that I\u2019m adding value when I\u2019m not even valuable myself.<\/p>\n
Out of nowhere, a memory surfaces. A lightbulb moment with my Masters tutor, a brisk Glaswegian woman, prone to bias, outbursts of enthusiasm and disarming insights. She ran an \u2018atelier\u2019, where we were expected to meet real people and generate projects that were meaningful and useful to them. Halfway through an invigorating year, the usual doubts were re-emerging.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Standing among fellow students and tutors, I finally admitted that I didn\u2019t know what I was doing. I was failing to be logical, orderly, Vitruvian; I couldn\u2019t find the right answer.<\/p>\n
She was having none of it. She sighed a great West Caledonian sigh and crossed her cardigan over herself. \u2018But pet, there is no logical, right answer. You just work from your gut \u2013 it\u2019s an accumulation of all your learning, your testing, your mistakes. If you stare too hard, you\u2019ll just see parts. Intuition lets you see the whole. Use that.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
I was baffled by the simplicity, alarmed that my gut had been exposed, acknowledged, given value. How was I supposed to turn this soft, intuitive wisdom into a tool for work? How will I know if it\u2019s useful, worthwhile?<\/p>\n
\u2018Why the f*** would it be?\u2019 her booming Scots tone blasted forth. \u2018That\u2019s like trying to make music useful! Just shuddup and play. If people don\u2019t like it, play elsewhere!\u2019<\/p>\n
It took a while to sink in, presumably for exactly today\u2019s crisis. No right answer. Just parts. Go and play elsewhere.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to be part of this system, my gut is screaming at me. Maybe this time I\u2019ll listen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The guy at the desk next to me is leaning over conspiratorially. It\u2019s a little out of character \u2013 he\u2019s more of a head down and crack on kind of guy \u2013 but he\u2019s \u2018psst\u2019 at me twice and is now tilting dangerously on one of the new ergonomic chairs. He double nudges his head; …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9844,"featured_media":711767,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"ep_exclude_from_search":false},"categories":[745],"tags":[1797,72352],"yoast_head":"\n
The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A chance discovery leaves the Secret Architect debating whether they have a future in architecture\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A chance discovery leaves the Secret Architect debating whether they have a future in architecture\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Architects\u2019 Journal\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-09-12T06:19:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-09-13T10:16:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/cdn.rt.emap.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/07\/12091228\/Secret-Architect-1024x682.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1024\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"682\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"The Secret Architect\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Alan Gordon\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Estimated reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut\",\"name\":\"The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-09-12T06:19:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-09-13T10:16:18+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/c9b9ca3ca79c0132ddcdae56307b2ff2\"},\"description\":\"A chance discovery leaves the Secret Architect debating whether they have a future in architecture\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-GB\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/\",\"name\":\"The Architects\u2019 Journal\",\"description\":\"Architecture News & Buildings\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-GB\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/c9b9ca3ca79c0132ddcdae56307b2ff2\",\"name\":\"Alan Gordon\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-GB\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/acb6d4722137897ae84938b08c7fe8af\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ad4697cefd84197ecf16504da76e735?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ad4697cefd84197ecf16504da76e735?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Alan Gordon\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/author\/alan-gordon-3\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again","description":"A chance discovery leaves the Secret Architect debating whether they have a future in architecture","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut","og_locale":"en_GB","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again","og_description":"A chance discovery leaves the Secret Architect debating whether they have a future in architecture","og_url":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut","og_site_name":"The Architects\u2019 Journal","article_published_time":"2023-09-12T06:19:29+00:00","article_modified_time":"2023-09-13T10:16:18+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1024,"height":682,"url":"https:\/\/cdn.rt.emap.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/07\/12091228\/Secret-Architect-1024x682.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"The Secret Architect","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Alan Gordon","Estimated reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut","url":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut","name":"The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#website"},"datePublished":"2023-09-12T06:19:29+00:00","dateModified":"2023-09-13T10:16:18+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/c9b9ca3ca79c0132ddcdae56307b2ff2"},"description":"A chance discovery leaves the Secret Architect debating whether they have a future in architecture","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-GB","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/news\/opinion\/the-secret-architect-go-with-your-gut#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Secret Architect: My gut tells me to quit. Again"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/","name":"The Architects\u2019 Journal","description":"Architecture News & Buildings","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-GB"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/c9b9ca3ca79c0132ddcdae56307b2ff2","name":"Alan Gordon","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-GB","@id":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/acb6d4722137897ae84938b08c7fe8af","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ad4697cefd84197ecf16504da76e735?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1ad4697cefd84197ecf16504da76e735?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Alan Gordon"},"url":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/author\/alan-gordon-3"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/704657"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9844"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=704657"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/704657\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":711751,"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/704657\/revisions\/711751"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/711767"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=704657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=704657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.architectsjournal.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=704657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}